


Unhappily Never After

by Sindujour



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Awkward Conversations, Cheating Derek Hale, Derek Gets Therapy, Derek Needs Therapy, Infidelity, M/M, OTP No Happy Ending, Scott is a Good Friend, Stiles is heartbroken, They both move on (sort of), break-up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-09
Updated: 2020-11-10
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:13:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 9,917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23557381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sindujour/pseuds/Sindujour
Summary: Stiles finds out Dereks been cheating, and confronts him and ends things. Afterwards, both of them need to move on, but the after-effects remains.
Relationships: Derek Hale & Scott McCall, Derek Hale/ OMC, Derek Hale/OFC, Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski, Scott McCall & Stiles Stilinski, Stiles Stilinski/OFC, Stiles Stilinski/OMC
Comments: 337
Kudos: 363





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Derek's OnlyFans](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23390650) by [ReedMeme](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ReedMeme/pseuds/ReedMeme). 



> I wrote this in response to Reedmeme’s ‘Derek’s OnlyFans’ which I genuinely like (at least as of 9 chapters in) but which really made me have a very strong reaction to it, and I wrote 3000 words of various parts of this fic in response.
> 
> But it’s not the kind of story I usually write, so I created a alternate account for this and a couple of other ideas I have that don’t fit my usual style. I didn’t realize I still had deep feelings about infidelity from an old relationship until this started to pour out, and I realize it may be something that doesn’t go away. 
> 
> I don’t think Derek is a bad guy in this exactly, but he does something horrible and keeps doing it, for terrible reasons. Which is something we all do, and honestly is how I feel my ex got into the situation he did. Life is rarely uncomplicated, and I think I nail that idea.  
> I hope you like it.

“Dude, I saw you and that guy yesterday.” 

“Derek?” Stiles asked. 

“I don’t know, hot like burning with the fuck me daddy beard?” 

“That’s Derek. My boyfriend. I told you about him.”

“Oh! Damn S, you said hot but that wasn’t what I was expecting.” Kyle gave a smirk and an approving nod. “Nice catch. Are you guys in an open relationship or is it one of those poly sits?” 

“No, dude, that’s not really my thing.” Stiles was confused as to where this was coming from. 

Kyle gave him a confused look. “Does Derek have like a twin then?” 

“Kyle, I’m so confused about this conversation right now.” Stiles said, he had an essay he was supposed to be finishing, and this was a distraction he didn’t need. 

Kyle’s face grew even more serious, “Dude, I’ve seen-“ Kyle stopped then glanced around, “No, this isn’t the right way.” He murmured. “Cmon.” He pulled Stiles into an empty classroom and shut the door behind him. 

“Kyle, what the hell?” Stiles asked, his heart starting to beat hard in his chest. He trusted Derek. Whatever this was, and Stiles wasn’t an idiot, he knew this was something, but he was sure it was a simple mistake.

“You’d do this for me.” Kyle said, his face all seriousness now. He pulled his laptop out and double clicked the Dropbox icon and into a folder at the top. “I started watching these a few months ago. Before I met you even.” He said, and the weight in Stiles stomach was growing heavier. He knew Kyle, the guy was as dependable as they came. 

The video started to play and Stiles sagged down onto the chair, because Derek was on screen, there was no mistake, no bad lighting, his tattoos were both clearly on camera. And more, he knew that body, how that body moved as it kissed, he knew intimately how it felt when Derek pulled Stile’s shirt off like he was doing to the woman in the video.

“Maybe it’s before you guys met or something.” Kyle said softly. 

The woman’s face tilted back so the camera got a better look, and Stiles was surprised to see how much like Kate Argent she looked. 

“No.” Stiles said in a detached way, sliding his shirtsleeve up to reveal his own infinity tattoo. “We got those together.” He slid his shirt back down. “How many are there?” He asked quietly. 

“A lot.” Kyle whispered. “I only save my favorites, but-“ he closed out of the video and Stiles could see the file count: 132. 

“Are they all her?” He whispered. He was numb. Shocked. 

“No. She’s in a bunch but he’s sort of an equal opportunity type of guy. Men and women both.” 

“Yeah, I knew that.” Stiles said, detached. He reached over and clicked into another video. This time it was Derek and a taller well built black guy. He didn’t look like Boyd in any other way, but that first visceral moment hit him hard. He clicked forward into the video, Derek on his back and the guy driving into him. He knew if the sound was on exactly what Derek would sound like. 

He felt ill. 

He closed out of the video and selected another one. “Are you sure you want to keep watching?” Kyle whispered.

“I want to know.” Stiles said dully. This was another with the Kate look alike. Derek has a ball gag in his mouth and she was fucking him with a strap on. Stiles closed out of that one quickly.He clicked on another. A handsome blonde jock looking guy, bigger than Derek again. He clicked into the video to see Derek fucking the guy who was laying forward on his stomach, legs spread. He clicked into another. And then another.

Kyle pulled the laptop away. “Stiles I think you should stop. This can’t be healthy.” 

Stiles nodded. He looked up at Kyle and realized he was crying. “Are they all like that?” 

“Like what?” Kyle asked. 

“The guys, Do they all look like that. Bigger. More-“ he tried to gesture but he didn’t know how to express ‘not like me’. 

Kyle was silent for a minute then said, “Yeah. Mostly.” 

Stiles nodded, it just confirmed his own worst fears.

“Can you send me those?” He asked. 

“Yeah, I’ll send you a link to my Dropbox.” Kyle said. “I’m really sorry.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So much more to come. Next chapter:Derek’s POV.


	2. Chapter 2

Derek relaxed as the guy pulled out and flopped onto the bed beside him. “Damn, that was fucking hot dude.”

“Don’t call me dude.” Derek said. The sharp reminder of Stiles causing him to suddenly tense up again.

“Sorry man, It’s just Ithink I forgot your name, Eric?” 

“Derek.” He said. 

“Yeah. We should do this again.” 

“Leave me your number.” Derek said. His body continuing to tense back up. This used to work better, back in the beginning. A way to manage the anxiety and tension of being in the city again, of trying so hard not to fuck things up with Stiles. But it wasn’t working as well anymore and he’d begun to think it was time to really stop.

“Cool man. I need to head out, my wife is gonna be home soon.” 

Derek nodded and the guy slid off the bed and quickly threw his clothes back on. He paused by the desk and Derek could hear him writing. Oh, his number, right. 

“See you next time Derek.” The guy said and left. Derek didn’t even know his name and didn’t care.

He slid off the bed and walked out into the hall and Mark glanced up from where he was working on his laptop across the room. “Sounded like a good time.” He said with a smirk.

Derek shrugged. “It was fine.” He said. 

“Want a second round before you go?” 

“Not today.” Derek said.He’d met Mark and his wife Shelley at the park where he ran in the mornings and they’d started hanging out occasionally. Shelley bore an uncanny resemblance to Kate physically, but he’d quickly realized it was purely physical and the similarity had both fascinated and repulsed him. 

When the couple had first invited him to come home with them he’d started to refuse, but something had made him hesitate to say no. A tension that had been building and he thought maybe yeah, just once, just to get that last vestige of Kate out of his system, and it might be fun. So he said yes.

The sex had been a revelation. It was so different than what he had with Stiles, which was so laden with emotions he could barely trust let alone be comfortable with. The sex with the couple however, was adventurous andthey were utterly fearless about asking for what they wanted, and he’d found himself responding in kind. It was freeing. And when he’d shot his second load and fell back it felt like the first time he’d relaxed in a decade. 

He was hooked immediately.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn’t want Derek to be the out and out villain here. I think he’s got serious issues, and terrible coping skills, and a drive to destroy the good things in his life.   
> It’s tragic really.


	3. Chapter 3

Stiles heard Derek’s key in the door, and his stomach twisted around in itself. He wanted to throw up. When the door opened and Derek walked in he saw the moment Derek realized something was wrong. 

“What happened?” Derek said. “Is it your dad?” 

“My dads fine.” Stiles said, his heart breaking even more. 

“Did something happen at school?” Derek asked. 

“Class was fine. I-“ Stiles didn’t know how to do this. 

“What’s wrong?” 

“Apparently everything.” It just came out. And the nerves and heartbreak cleared and Stiles turned the laptop towards Derek and pushed play. 

He could see the moment Derek realized what he was seeing. It was like the Derek he’d gradually been uncovering for the last year drained away and the Derek he’d first met all those years ago in the Preserve reappeared. 

“Where did that come from?” He demanded.

“One of my classmates. He saw us together the other day and recognized you. Apparently he’s a big fan, maybe I should get your autograph for him.” 

“What are you talking about?” 

“He’s got them all.” Stiles said, “Well no, not all, apparently he only saves the ones he likes best. But that’s still like 130 of them, so I can’t even imagine how many times you’ve cheated on me. Like, I did the math, I have class 4 days a week, that’s basically every day. I was sitting here after I got home and I realized that while I was finding out about this, you were probably with someone else. Was it one of the ones in the videos again? Or was it someone new today? 

Derek’s face went pale as Stiles talked, his eyes still frozen to the action on the screen.“Turn it off.” Derek demanded. 

“Why? You can’t be ashamed of it now. You were clearly having a great time there. What’s his name? Maybe I should call him and get some pointers. Find out what I’ve been doing so wrong.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong.” Derek whispered. “This has nothing to do with you.” 

“Sure, yeah, I was just your boyfriend. Nothing to do with me.” Stiles said, and he realized he was crying again and scrubbed away the tears fiercely.

“Stiles-“ Derek said as he started to move forward.

“No.” Stiles said. “You stay there.” And Derek froze again. 

“That’s not what I meant.” Derek said. 

“No I think you’re right. Whatever this is about, definitely nothing to do with me. Because you have nothing to do with me. We’re done Derek, you know that right?Apparently we’ve been done for months and I was the only one who didn’t know it.” 

“Don’t-” Derek started to say. 

“Don’t what Derek? Because there’s no saying that’s not you.” 

Derek was quiet before he said quietly, “It’s me.” 

“And I can see our tattoo, so I know it’s been since we got together. So don’t what Derek? Don’t feel betrayed? Don’t feel like an idiot because, wow, apparently I’m really the idiot here? I mean, do you remember the night that guy was flirting with me at the bar, I wasn’t even interested in him and you still threw a fucking fit over it. You knew, you fucking KNEW there was zero chance I’d cheat on you.” 

“Don’t leave.” Derek said.

“Derek, you left first. You clearly left me months ago. I’ve been trying to make sure you realized you could trust me when you clearly didn’t care. Like, I looked at the date stamps on these, and some of them are from our first month here. Like I had barely started school and you went off and started fucking everyone around.” 

Derek flinched again. “I don’t want this to be the end.” Derek said, a broken look that Stiles hasn’t seen since Boyd on his face. “I need you.”

“You don’t, or you’d never have done this. I mean, the worst part is I knew I wasn’t enough for you is the thing. I knew it before we even got together. Just like with Lydia I’m just not enough again. I thought-“ he shook his head crying again, “But I deserve someone that wants me. Not her, not the shape of some other guy you’ve never mentioned. But me, just me. So go, please.” 

“You are enough.” Derek said, a terrible look on his face that Stiles couldn’t begin to decipher.

“There’s months of evidence proving I’m not.” Stiles said, “Just get out. I’ll find someone to be here when you come get your shit, but I never want to see you again.” 

Derek stood mutely for a moment, and Stiles watched as Derek turned and left him one last time. Then he flipped the deadbolt and the chain into place and sank onto the couch and cried until his tears ran dry.


	4. Chapter 4

Derek was full of twisting waves of rage and despair both. He felt unmoored, he’d betrayed his anchor and he’d done what he had feared most. He’d wanted so much to be right for Stiles, to force his broken soul into something good. He stopped and leaned against the building he was next to. 

Stiles. He shouldn’t be alone.Derek groped for his phone in his pocket and dialed his second contact.

“Derek?” Scott said into the phone. 

“Scott.” Derek replied. “He needs you. I can’t-“ he paused before saying, “I fucked everything up, I’m so sorry.” 

“What did you do?” Scott shouted through the phone. 

“I fucked up everything again.” Derek said. “You can be there for him tonight right?” 

“I’m leaving now.” Scott said. 

“So am I.” Derek replied. “Hurry.” And then he hung up. 

“Are you alright?” A lady said stopping and looking at him. 

“No. But-“ he shrugged. “Someone’s on their way.” 

“Okay.” She said and touched him on the arm. He wanted to rip it away, because he wasn’t the one who deserved comfort. He was the one who’d fucked everything up again. He heard a ghost of Kate’s laughing. 

He hadn’t made a lot of acquaintances since they’d come to town, and Mark and Shelley were the closest thing to friends he had. He called Mark. 

“Hey stud,” Mark said answering, “change your mind on round two?” 

“I thought you said you didn’t share those videos with anyone except your friends.” Derek said. 

“We don’t.” Mark said. “I keep them all in my Dropbox and just share them with a few of the guys we swing with.” 

“Well, somehow Stiles saw them.” Derek spit out. He knew he didn’t have a right to be angry, but he still was. It still felt like another betrayal. 

“Derek, I swear. It’s only like ten people.” Mark said earnestly. “We just share back and forth between each other, just like you’ve watched some of them with us. Hell, you’ve fucked most of them yourself, Jason and Rebecca. Even your special little twink friend Kyle that we introduced you to.”

“Fuck.” Derek said banging his head against the wall. 

“Do you need a place?” Mark said. “We’ve got the spare room as well as the playroom. It’s yours.” 

Derek was quiet for a moment. “Yeah.” He said. “I guess.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter tomorrow! It’ll be back to Stiles perspective. Someone commented on the last chapter that they think Derek is going to go on a sex bender, what do you think?


	5. Chapter 5

Stiles heard the doorknob jiggle before the door opened, and started to speak before he came back into the living room, “I told you to get out!” He shouted, then stopped when he saw Scott. “What are you doing here?” He said, his voice broken.

“Derek called me. He said you needed me.” 

Stiles started to cry again and as he started to move Scott moved with werewolf speed to pull him into a tight hug.

Scott just held him as he sobbed, not asking questions, not pushing for an explanation. He’d known Stiles since they were 6, and the only time he’d seen him this broken was when his mom had died.Whatever happened had been bad, and even without details the hurt to his packmate was bringing his wolf to the surface. 

Once Stiles had stopped crying he started to pull away and Scott let him go. “Do you want to talk about it?” Scott asked cautiously.

“No.” Stiles said, and Scott nodded. 

“Call of Duty?” Scott asked.

“Not tonight. Can we just-“ he shrugged. “I don’t even know. It’s over man.” 

Scott’s wolf pulled at the back of his head. It wanted to act to protect his brother. Scott went over to the TV and flipped it on, and reached for a well played dvd and slipped it in. When the opening credits began to play, he heard Stiles gasp, “Really man?” 

“My brother has been trying to get me to watch this for years.” he said. “This seems like a good time.” He flopped down onto the couch and Stiles crawled up into his arms, and they cuddled up and watched some space cowboys. 

As the end credits rolled stiles finally spoke. “He cheated. Like a lot. For months.” 

“He met someone new?” Scott asked, trying to imagine Derek falling more for someone than he had Stiles. 

“Oh he met lots of someone’s new. Like, the chick who looked like Kate I can get, like he’s got a million issues around Kate. I could-“ he stopped talking and then said, “I could forgive that. But there’s all these guys too. And you know, they’re not like me, they’re like these big muscle guys.” 

Scott who’s been around for the break up with Lydia, and how inadequate Stiles had felt over that, knew how this would cut Stiles deeply. 

“How did you find out?” Scott asked. 

“He made movies. I didn’t even think he knew how to work the Internet and the guy is sharing videos of him and everyone in the city fucking behind my back.” 

“Jesus dude.” 

“One of my classmates is apparently a big fan. He saw Derek the other day when he met me for lunch and recognized him and showed me.” 

“What can I do?” Scott asked.

“Would you be here when he comes to get his stuff?” 

“I can do that.” Scott said. “I’ll text him and set up a time.” 

“It’s-“ stiles started and stopped, “Is it me? I mean, I’m just a human, but I thought I could be enough, I’m smart. I try. And I’m just not.” He started to cry again. 

“Hey,” Scott said, “you are enough. God dude, you’re the greatest person I know. You’re worth ten of Derek, you’re worth a hundred of Lydia.” 

“A hundred?” Stiles asked, laughing a little around the tears.

“Well, three or four Lydia’s at least.” Scott said with a little grin.

Stiles laughed and hugged Scott hard. “Thank you.” He said softly. 

“I’m not trying to take his side or anything,” Scott said, “but I want to say, he does care about you. In the fallout of this, he called me to come be here for you. I don’t think you should forgive him, that’s your decision, but just don’t think he didn’t care.” 

“I don’t understand how he could do that.” Stiles said. “I mean, with Lydia I couldn’t ever really be what she wanted. But I thought he was happy. He said he was happy.” Stiles shifted in Scotts arms. 

“I don’t know man, he’s Derek. There’s so much in his past. Maybe he’s just too broken to heal, but this is about him, and not you.”

“Thanks for coming man.” Stiles said. “Do you think Malia would be okay if we were just sharing you?” 

“For you, yeah she’d go for it.” Scott said with a smile. “Though who my best man would be when we got three way married, I mean I guess Liam. And who’s yours going to be?” 

“Oh Jackson for sure.” Stiles said with a laugh and Scott joined him. “At least I know it’s not personal when he tries to make me feel like shit about myself.” 

“Hey, he’s gotten a lot better.” Scott said, squeezing his best friend tighter. 

“Ugh, fine. He’s better.” Stiles grumbled into Scotts arm. “He’s going to be the worst best man though.” 

“I’m already looking forward to his speech.” Scott replied and they both started laughing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So of the finished chapters, this is the last one in sequential order that’s finished. So it may be a couple of days before the next chapter is up, depending on how long it takes to write.


	6. Chapter 6

Mark opened the door when Derek knocked and pulled him into a hug. Derek’s wolf, which had been agitating at the edges of his mind like it hadn’t since Laura’s death reacted, and Derek could barely resist the urge to snap, and he arched back away from the unwanted contact. Mark instantaneously dripped his arms and stepped back, “I’m sorry man, you looked like you could use a hug, you look wrecked.” 

“I just-“ Derek’s wolf was howling. “I fucked up so bad.” He finished. He slipped past Mark as he turned and made room for him to walk past and slumped into a chair. 

“I know we’ve never really talked about it,” Mark said, “but I sort of thought you had some sort of open relationship, or you were trying to get the nerve to leave a bad one.” 

Derek shook his head. “No. This was all me.” 

“What do you need?” 

“Stiles.” Derek whispered. 

“I know.” Mark said. “Shelley is out of town, so you’re stuck with me being here if you want to talk things out.” 

“I don’t even know what to say. I just, I want to fix this.” 

“Maybe he’ll calm down and find a way to forgive you.” Mark said. 

Derek shook his head. “Not Stiles. Not this. He can forgive a lot, but not the way I made him feel. If it was a misunderstanding, or almost anything else, maybe. But I betrayed him, I made him feel less than. He’ll never forgive that. He shouldn’t forgive that.” 

“I’m sorry he found the videos. Do you want me to try and figure out how?” 

Derek shook his head, “It doesn’t matter. It’s not about something I didn’t do it’s about what I did. I told you I didn’t mind that you taped it. Maybe I wanted to get caught, I don’t know.”

“Do you want to go for a run? We can take that trail you like, we should have enough time before dark.” 

Derek thought for a moment. He did want to run. He wanted to run until even his werewolf strength failed. Until he broke himself apart, so that when he healed he might heal better. Stronger. Without the jagged edges of trust issues and regret. “I think I’m going to go alone. I need to clear my head.” 

“Mark nodded. “Anything Derek, I’ll let Shelley know you’re going to stay awhile. Heads up, Andy is coming over later, we’ll be in the play room, I’m guessing you want to avoid him after today. 

Derek nodded, suddenly exhausted, but his wolf was still agitated and confused, and he just needed to let it run. “I’ll be back later. Thank you.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My headcanon on Mark Is that he lacks context. Derek is an exceptionally hard person to get to know, so he is forced to interpret without fact. Think about how much we learn about Derek we learn from other sources in the show.  
> So he’s wrong, and wrong again.
> 
> Just a heads up, it’ll be a few days for the next two chapters, they’re both incomplete so far, and critical chapters, so I don’t want to rush them.


	7. Chapter 7

Stiles heard his name called and stood up, the nurse cams over to him. “Can my friend come back with me?” He asked.

“Of course.” She said, “come with me.”

Scott bounced up out of his seat, it had been him and not Stiles who’d suggested today’s appointment, after Stiles had mentioned that Derek had cheated on days they’d had sex before and after he went to class. After a moments hesitation he’d gently recommended an STD test. Werewolves couldn’t catch diseases, but the bacteria could live in their bodies for a short time. 

The nurse led them to a room and took his blood pressure and went over his notes about medication and concerns. Before she left she left him know the doctor would only be a few minutes.

“I cant believe I have to do this.” Stiles said, the betrayal burning again in him. 

“Deaton said it’s unlikely you need to worry, but with what happened it’s better to check, just in case.” 

Stiles nodded. Mute and miserable. 

A moment later the door opened and a kindly looking older man came in. He looked at Scott and back to Stiles, “Mr Stil-“ he glanced at the chart.

“Stiles, just call me Stiles, please.” 

“Stiles. Thank you. I understand you’re wanting to get a full spectrum STD test, is that correct?” 

“Yeah. I found out yesterday my boyfriend,” he paused, “my ex boyfriend, he cheated. A lot. At least some of the times he didn’t use a condom.” 

The doctor glanced back to Scott and gave him a hard look. 

“No, not Scott, Scott’s my best friend. He’s family. He’s just keeping me company.”

The doctor nodded and walked him through the test, and let him know when he’d have his results. 

After the appointment they walked toward campus to the burger joint Stiles loved. After they walked in Stiles caught a familiar face and watched Kyle’s face light up when he saw him and motioned them over to his table. 

“Stiles!” He said, “I wasn’t sure if you’d be in class today, after-“ he shrugged, “You know.” 

“I’m not, I was just close by, so Scott and I are grabbing lunch, I’ve been talking about this place all term.” 

“Cool, well, join me if you want.” Kyle said. “I don’t want this to be awkward. I didn’t think things would turn out this way.” 

Stiles caught Scott make a strange face as he reached out and said, “I’m Scott, the best friend.” 

“Kyle, friend from school and awkward revealer of things apparently.” 

“Hey you can’t be responsible for Derek’s decisions.” Stiles said. “How could you know he was a cheating piece of shit.” 

“I know, there was no way to know, but man, who’d want a boyfriend like that? I feel bad that I was the one to tell you though.” 

They sat and chatted through lunch, and Stiles was curious because he kept catching strange looks from Scott. 

After they left Stiles turned to Scott. “What’s up? Is he something supernatural? You kept making these faces.” 

Scott was quiet for a minute, his face troubled. “He was lying.” He finally said. 

“About what?” Stiles said. 

“Everything.” Scott said. “From when he said he was your friend to when he said he didn’t want things to turn out this way to when he said he couldn’t wait to see you in class.” 

“What?” Stiles said. His mind not quite comprehending what Scott was saying.

“Dude, I think he intended you to find out. He meant for this to happen.” 

“Why?” Stiles said. “You’re sure? Waits of course your sure. Why would he do that?” 

“I don’t know.” Scott said. “But there’s something else going on here.” 

“Do you think-“ stiles shook his head. “But the videos were real. Derek didn’t argue with that.” 

“I don’t know, but there’s something else going on here.” Scott said. “I think I need to talk to him.” 

“Kyle? I don’t know man, why would he just tell you?” 

“I mean Derek.” Scott said. “I think-“ he chewed in his lip. “I need someone to help me with this, someone who can think like a snake.” 

“I can do it.” Stiles said.

“Stiles, you’re too close to this. You might not see the blind spots in this.” 

Stiles nodded. “Theo.” He said. “He’s the sneakiest piece of shit we know.” 

Scott nodded. “We’ll get this figured out.” 

“I don’t know what to think now.” Stiles said. “Why can’t anything ever be simple? Easy?” He wipes at his eyes. “Why can’t I just trust anyone?” 

“You’ve got me. I know Lydia hurt you, but she’d kill for you. You know she has your back. Malia. Your dad.” 

Stiles nodded. “Call Theo.” Hs said again, his voice stronger. “I want answers.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay. This chapter went so sideways. Lol. I had this idea that Stiles would be dealing with the fall out, and the chapter just wasn’t working, and someone had asked in the comments if Stiles would find out Kyle was apiece of shit, and I didn’t see how he could , except...  
> Scott.   
> Those keen werewolf senses.
> 
> I don’t think this is going to affect the long term events of the story, but it’s going to add a few chapters. So buckle up!


	8. Chapter 8

Derek was walking back out of the post office when he felt it again.

The sense of being watched. Being hunted. 

It was a feeling he was used to. He walked casually towards the park down the street, his wolf itching to run, while his human side kept it leashed. 

He glanced around the park and found a bench with a good view of everything around him. He sat and waited, and a few minutes later a familiar shape came hurrying across the street and he saw the kid light up when he caught sight of Derek.

“I caught you!” Kyle said delighted. “How’s it going?” 

“Fine. Everything is fine.” Derek said, feeling his resolve weaken. Finally he took in the boys base scent, a bizarrely near twin to Stiles, down to the slight ozone scent of a spark. Not rare exactly, but such near scent twins were uncommon. And Kyle loved to do allthe things that he was afraid to ask Stiles for. How could he ask Stiles to tie him up when Stiles would know Kate had done that? How could he ask Stiles to fuck him senseless, when he knew Stiles wasn’t a fan of topping? Kyle had been perfect to close his eyes and pretend it was Stiles.

“You don’t look fine.” Kyle said. “Did you sleep badly last night?” 

Derek shrugged. “Stiles and I broke up.” He said finally. 

“What? Man that has to be hard for you.” Kyle said. 

“It’s my own fault.” Derek said. “I fucked things up.” 

“Hey, I’m sure it wasn’t just you.” Kyle said. “You’re amazing Derek, anyone would be lucky to have you.” 

“I’m such shit.” Derek said, shaking his head. “I fucked it all up. I wasn’t-“ he paused, “I tried to keep too much of myself from him. I thought it was keeping him safe, keeping away the bad parts of me.” 

“Is this about the rope play?” Kyle asked. 

“Derek, there’s nothing wrong with that, it’s part of who you are. It’s part of why I like you. If he can’t like that part of you, it’s his loss.” 

“It’s not just that.” Derek said. “I-“ he hesitated. “We didn’t have an open relationship. I’ve been cheating. For months. Before I met you even.” 

“Because you weren’t happy.” Kyle said. “I know. I figured it out ages ago.” 

“But I was happy.” Derek said. “I was just afraid to let him see all of me. I wanted to be better. To be who he deserved for me to be.” 

“Derek, I’m going to be honest with you. I don’t think he was right for you. If you can’t be yourself with someone, that’s a big sign somethings wrong.” 

Derek thought back to all those times Stiles had been there for him, all the times he’d revealed what he thought were the ugly parts of himself and which were all those parts that were the very things Derek loved the most about him. 

“Listen Derek, I know now isn’t the time, and you’re going to need some time to get over things, but I’ll be here when you’re ready. I really like those things you think he’d hate. I like everything about you to be honest.” 

“What?” Derek said.

“When you’re ready, I’d really like to take you out some night. Dinner. Or a movie or dancing or something.” 

“Kyle, I-“ Derek paused, confused. “We were just fucking. You’re not Stiles, I don’t want to be with you.” 

The happy expression slid off the boys face. “Are you fucking kidding me?” Kyle said, “Do you even-“ he was shaking in fury, “Who else is going to want a fucking damaged piece of shit like you? Jesus Christ, you cheated on your boyfriend every day while he was in class.And you claim he’s what you want? Jesus Derek how fucked up are you in the head to think that’s a sign you’re happy?” Kyle grabbed his stuff. “Call me when you realize we can be something great because I’m exactly what you need.” Then the kid took off. 

His words burned with truth though. Derek was broken. He knew that. They triggered a memory of Stiles asking him to see a therapist months before, in the middle of a fight about Derek refusing to talk about things. The fight had escalated and Derek had fled the apartment in a murderous rage and ended up doing the entire nearly 50 mile trail run in the mountain park he liked to run in. He was just about to start his second circuit, finally having calmed down when he met Mark and Shelley and gone on the shorter easier run they preferred. 

After that he thought he’d found his therapy. He knew it was cheating, but in most ways things had gotten better once it started. He’d started being able to talk about things, feelings and fears. To connect in the ways Stiles had been pushing for.

His wolf pulled at the back of his mind, missing Stiles. He focused on the memory of his anchor, of Stiles hovering protectively over him.And suddenly something Kyle had said stood out. 

He’d commented that he’d cheated on Stiles every day while he was in class. But Derek had never told anyone that Stiles was in school. Had never said anything about Stiles to anyone. Kyle only knew the name of his boyfriend because he’d accidentally said it once while Kyle was fucking him.

Derek tried to make sense of this. How had Kyle known Stiles was in school?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I needed Kyle to just drop one little thing... and I thought that even if he was a cheating pos Derek would probably have tried to keep this away from Stiles as much as possible. We see how he is in the show about not giving up information, so it seemed in keeping.  
> Also, the final bit of that first day has finally dropped. It was originally Written in dropped in a later chapter but it felt random and gratuitous, it fits here better.


	9. Chapter 9

Stiles had almost forgotten why they’d come to the crappy diner far from campus but was reminded of it when Theo breezed through the door and slid in across the table next to Scott.

“The old me would have loved that little asshole.” He said with a shake of his head. “God he’s a little snake.” 

Stiles felt the flush of betrayal. He’d known when Scott had first warned him that it was going to be bad, but Theo’s words had given it scope. 

“What did you find out?” Scott said. 

Theo bit his lip a bit. “So I might have gone a little overboard on the guy.” 

Scott’s eyes widened. “What did you do man?” 

“Nothing he didn’t deserve. And I stole his memories of me when I was done.” 

Scott made a face but nodded. Stiles knew he didn’t always approve of Theo’s methods, but he knew Theo was always careful to not leave a mess behind.

“Are you sure you want to hear all this?” Theo asked Stiles. 

“Yes.” Stokes said. He wanted to know. No matter how bad it was knowing was better than not knowing.

“He slept with Derek the first time months ago. Apparently there were things Derek wanted to do that were to Kyle’s tastes, so a mutual friend introduced them. From his memories I don’t think they’re things you’d have been into, I’ll be honest.” Theo paused as the waitress came and took his order. 

After she left, he turned back. “Kyle caught feelings and kept trying to push things further with Derek, but Derek, he doesn’t seem to have been interested in the guy beyond the kinks. Like, Kyle doesn’t actually seem to know much about him. But he decided he wanted more. Derek dropped your name once while things were intense, and Kyle decided to track you down.” 

Theo bit down on his lip. “He intended fo wreck things between you. It’s the reason why Kyle friended you. He-“ Theo paused, “He learned about you so he could make it hurt as bad as possible.”

Stiles closed his eyes, the depth of betrayal from someone he thought was a friend hurt in a different way than Derek’s.

“I also noticed something strange.” Theo said. “I don’t know if this makes it better or worse, but, you and Kyle? You smell the same. Not quite exactly, but eerily alike.” 

Stiles gave Scott a confused look. And Scott nodded after a moment.

“I don’t understand?” Stiles said. 

“It happens sometimes. Two people who’d scents are similar. Usually they’re related, but sometimes it’s just the perfect combo of blood type and genetics and diet.” Theo said. 

“I’m not even sure if that makes it better or worse.” Stiles said. 

“I’m the last one to ask.” Theo said honestly. He bit his lip again. “I took his memories of you. Like all of them. He doesn’t even know your name, he’s back to thinking Derek has a boyfriend but he doesn’t know his name or the first thing about him.” 

“We have three classes together.” Stiles said. “We study together almost every day.” 

“I know.” Theo said with a broad smile. “Finals are next week. I sure hope he studies on his own a lot too.” He laughed a little, “but I didn’t see any evidence of it.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god this chapter.  
> I wrote several iterations of it, because I kept focusing on Theo’s arrival. Then I finally realized that wasn’t the point of the chapter. I’m sort of an idiot.   
> The next pair of chapters are going to be about a year later. I know there’s aspects of what happened that still aren’t clear, but I think that they’re ancillary to the main fic. Mark and Shelley’s motivations aren’t important. What mattered was the interactions between these three, and I think that’s finished. But a year is a good time for distance, and for both of them to start to have some perspective.


	10. Chapter 10

2016

One Year Later

“You think your break-up story is worse than mine?” Kelly said with a challenge. “Bring it Stilinski. Let’s hear.” 

“I definitely have you beat.” Stiles said, “So freshman year, I started a year late due to some personal problems, not really relevant, but I started dating this guy that year I’d been in love with for years, like was my high school bi awakening. I thought things were great. I introduce him to a guy I thought was a friend who tells me later that he’s seen the guys sex tapes. Lots of them. All of them, as it turns out, made after we started living together.” 

“Holy fuck.” Mandy said, “and you didn’t know?” 

“No clue. I thought everything was perfect.” Stiles shrugged. “It was like hitting a wall going 60. You just never know. It gets worse. Turns out the so called friend who told me? Yeah they’d slept together and the fucker just wanted my boyfriend for himself.” 

“You definitely win.” Kelly said, “thats so fucked up.”

“How’d you know it wasn’t before you guys got together?” One of the guys he didn’t know said, “I mean that was possible right?” 

Stiles pulled his shirtsleeve up to bare the infinity symbol on his shoulder, “you know what they say, never get a tattoo of their name, my advice is just don’t get a tattoo, that shits forever and just waiting to mock you.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The original version of this chapter was a lot longer, but I didn’t like where it left Stiles at the end, so I’ve obliquely mentioned what happened after this in a different chapter and just posted the first part.


	11. Chapter 11

2016

Derek leaves his fifth therapy session feeling raw and exposed. They had started talking about Kate that day and his therapist had helped him to see how the way he’d processed what had happened had been deeply flawed, but reliving the loss of his family has left their absence an open wound again. He slides into the old FJ and looks around at the interior. Maybe it was finally time to give it up, but it still held good memories of the old pack and Stiles, and he wasn’t ready to let it go yet.

His phone rang and he glanced down at it, freezing when he saw the contact name on the screen. After a moment of terror he finally answered. 

“Sheriff.” He said into the phone.

“Derek.” Noah replied. “Are you close by?” 

“I’m in East Bay.” Derek replied, unsure where ‘close’ was.

“Can you come back to Beacon Hills? I wouldn’t ordinarily ask but Malia was taken by hunters and Scott is down in Texas dealing with a pack there.” 

“Yeah. I can come.” He said. 

“Thanks. I know you’re not close.” 

“She’s family.” Derek said.

“Come to the station. Parrish and I have everything set up in one of the conference rooms.” 

“Okay.” 

“He’s-“ Noah started to say, “he’s not here. He won’t be.” 

“Okay.” Derek said, unsure if he’s more sad or happy. Then he hung up and started driving. 

The actual rescue itself is a non-event. The sheriff mostly needed Derek for tracking purposes, and the hunters seemed surprised to find civil authorities responding, and were unwilling to fire on humans. 

In the aftermath, Derek stepped back out of the way while Malia talked to Peter on his phone, and he watched Noah direct the clearing up and gathering of evidence. Someone he didn’t recognize who smelled of the pack but was human was talking to Parrish, and he wondered how he’d let this become his life. Unconnected, anchored by the memory of a relationship he’d ruined past recovery. 

His therapist had asked him what he wanted out of his therapy, and he’d said he wanted to quit destroying the things that mattered to him. But maybe there was more than that. Maybe he wanted to be able to be part of something again. To have friends and not just acquaintances. He knew a relationship was a bad idea before he figured out how to not destroy them, but maybe friendship he could try again. 

Malia hung up and walked over to hand him his phone. “Thank you for coming.” She said awkwardly. 

He nodded. 

“Are you going to just disappear again?” She asked.

“I didn’t think any of you would want to see me.” He said bluntly.

“You were an asshole.” She said bluntly. “You broke his heart. And I can’t forgive that. Scott really can’t forgive that.” She gave him that focused look, “But you’re still family. And none of us have much left. Don’t-“ she hesitated, “don’t cut us out. I tried to call, to keep in contact, but you didn’t answer. I wasn’t even sure you were alive.” 

“I thought it was for the best.” He said. “I’m not a good person.”

“No, you’re not. But my father is Peter. You can try to be better than your past.” 

“How’s that going for him?” Derek asked, genuinely curious.

“Well, like he says, ‘we’re all works in progress.’” She said with a laugh, and it teased a small smile from him as well. 

“Talk to him.” She said. “He understands better than anyone. Maybe he can help you understand.” 

“I understand what I did already.” 

“I know.” She said. “But he can help you understand how to move past it.” 

Derek nodded. “I’ll call him.” He promised, and meant it. She hesitated before reaching in and giving him an awkward hug, then wandered off to where Melissa was waiting for her.

A few minutes later Noah stepped up next to him and he stiffened slightly. 

“Relax.” He said in his no nonsense tone. “I’m still pissed as hell about what happened, but I’ve had time to think about it. I think I did you both a disservice by not pushing you harder to see a therapist when you started to get together.” 

“I’ve been seeing someone for a few weeks.” Derek confessed. 

“Good.” Noah said and was quiet for a moment before adding, “Mel is the one who pointed out that we all have a hand in what happened. I knew there was no way you could have healthy coping mechanisms, and I didn’t push you. I talked to Stiles about it a couple of months ago. I finally pushed him into seeing someone. Not just because of you, but he had a lot of issues he’d never dealt with. He’s better.” 

“I thought he could give me a safe place to rebuild my life.” Derek said. “I didn’t think I needed to deal with the past because I thought I’d build a new life with him.” 

“That’s not how we work.” Noah said simply. “We carry our past with us. Always.”

“That’s what my therapist says, in his way.” 

“I’m glad you’re seeing someone.” Noah said. “You deserve happiness kid.” He pats Derek on the shoulder and heads back over to where one of the deputies is calling for him.

Derek climbs back into the FJ and drives back out of Beacon Hills. 

The next day he trades the FJ in on a new truck. It feels strange but it’s past time, and he’s ready to start making some changes. Letting go of some of his past.

He doesn’t call Peter.

On Saturday he packs up and heads out to the desert and spend three days running as the wolf, letting the full shift work its magic. He processes things different as the wolf. Acceptance is easier. Guilt and self loathing have no place in its thinking. He wonders if he’d run in full shift when he was with Stiles if he’d have made better choices, instead of ignoring it because it reminded him of his mother and sister.

He texts Malia from the desert. A simple photo of a coyote crossing the horizon as dusk and a short message to let her know he was thinking of her.

When he gets back he goes to his therapy appointment. He tells his therapist about the full shift, and they talk about what it means to him. He admits that he never told Stiles that he was only able to manage the full shift because he was so deeply anchored in him. And they talk about how that kind of passive dishonesty leads to more active dishonesty. 

His therapist is a former emissary, so he understands the werewolf mind in a way that a human might not, and he learns things about his own kind that his parents never had a chance to teach him. As the next few weeks go by he realizes how badly he sabotaged himself and how doomed any relationship was going to be for him considering how unbalanced his mind was after everything had happened. Understanding doesn’t ease the guilt much, but it helps him accept the impulses he hadn’t been able to understand or control. 

He doesn’t call Peter, but he starts to email Scott about the things he learns. His therapist is open with information in a way Deaton never was, and he hopes that Scott can use the information to help others in the pack understand the way that wolves differ from humans.

Scott doesn’t ever respond, but Derek isn’t surprised. Finally, one Thursday night, while he sat on his balcony watching the city lights across the bay, he picks up his phone and calls.

“Uncle Peter.” He said when someone picks up, using the honorific for the first time since he was a teenager. “It’s me.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think a lot of that kind of Peter’s about being works in progress. And I wonder about the conversations the show never shows us between Derek and Peter where they grapple with the things Peter did.  
> But it added a dimension to it when I started writing this, and I realized Peter is going to be the most sympathetic to the way Derek burned his life to the ground again.  
> This also plays a little into my belief that for a similar as humans and werewolves are, there must be things about them, especially born wolves, that are essentially alien to the way humans think.  
> This chapter and the last are approximately a year after the break up. The next two chapters will be another year later.  
> I hope you’re still enjoying the story.


	12. Chapter 12

2017

“Derek.” Stiles said his stomach roiling, as he glanced around for an escape. 

“It’s good to see you.” Derek said. “It’s been a long time.” 

“Yeah, I’m all graduated and a real adult now.” Stiles said, accepting there was no escaping this conversation.

“How’ve you been?” Derek asked. 

“Just great!” Stiles said, and he knew Derek could hear the lie. “Just in town to see my dad.” 

“I’m living here again.” Derek said. “At the loft.” 

“So I’ve been warned.” Stiles admitted. “I was hoping to avoid seeing you to be honest.” 

“I figured.” Derek said. “I want to say I’m sorry.” He paused for a second before adding, “I’ve needed to say it for a long time. I got a therapist, you know, after.” 

“That’s good. You needed it.” 

“Yeah. I realized I needed help, that I was doing things, bad things, self destructive things, and I didn’t know how to stop.” 

“Wow, congrats. Well I’m sure you’re happy now.” 

“Not happy, but I understand better. I know how to not give into the destructive impulses.” 

“That’s great.” Stiles said, his heart tearing itself apart. “Glad to hear it.” Why couldn’t his phone ring? Something. Anything. An earthquake. This was California, that happened.

“Could I take you to dinner while you’re in town?” Derek asked, almost shyly.

Stiles stilled. “No.” He said firmly after a moment. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.” 

“Please?” Derek asked. “I need to try and explain-“ 

“Derek-“ Stiles cut in. “I don’t need to hear it. I know what you want to say, ‘you’re so sorry’ blah blah blah, but honestly, standing here, I want to hit you and then run away and throw up. You’re a reminder of the second worst day of my life.” 

Derek flinched. “I was hoping we could try to be friends.” He said after a moment.

“Why would I want that?” Stiles said. 

“We were happy.” 

“No Derek. We weren’t. I thought we were happy, but you were so miserable that you fucked someone else everyday I was in class. Some days there were even two of them. I don’t understand how you could interpret that as happy.”

“My therapist says-“ 

“I really don’t care.” Stiles said. “I trusted you and you hurt me.More than a hundred times. That’s got to be some kind of record for less than a year. Like, do they give medals for that? Extreme fucking? Cause it’s not like we weren’t having plenty of sex too.” 

“It wasn’t like that.” Derek said.

“You know I met her.” Stiles said, though he hasn’t meant to tell him, “the one that looked like Kate, Shelley I think. I recognized her one night at a bar. So I asked her about you. She told me you had admitted upfront you were seeing someone, but that you weren’t happy and needed something more.” Stiles felt the old wave of fury and betrayal rise up. “She told me you used to slip up and call her Kate, which, you know, I could probably have handled. But Kyle, he looked like me. Scott said he smelled like me. Like that’s fucked up. That’s what hurt worse than anything, because that’s just saying I’m not enough. Then alongside that all those beefcake gym assholes? Fuck Derek. Like all my issues just lined up in a row.”

Derek had slumped down into himself as Stiles spoke.

“I hope you’re happy. I hope you find someone you can be happy with. But honestly I never want to see you again, and if I heard you died, I’d just be happy to know I wouldn’t have to have another conversation like this one..” Stiles said sincerely and started to push passed Derek. 

“I’ve never been as happy as I was with you.” Derek said behind him and Stiles froze. 

Turning back around, Stiles finally broke and let his fury loose. “I cried myself to sleep for weeks. I barely made it to class. I barely passed my finals. Every time someone asked me out for months afterward I’d have a panic attack. Dating you was the worst mistake of my life. So I’m glad you were happy, because it didn’t really work out so great for me.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The bones of this chapter have existed since I started this. It’s one of the first things I wrote I just needed to clean it up and get it compliant. The conversation about meeting the Kaye look alike originally read that she didn’t know Stiles name or gender, and clearly I've changed that.   
> I’m friends with a lot of my exes, I think it’s pretty healthy. They’re almost all good people. But years later if I ran into the one who cheated on me I’m pretty confident I’d still want to murder him.  
> So no. They won’t ever be friends. Though I do imagine Scott and Noah have let Stiles know they’re in contact with him. And he’s probably fine with that I’d think.


	13. Chapter 13

2017

Stiles danced backwards away from Theo who’d begged him to go out for the evening to go dancing, laughing as Theo tried to impress the twink who’d caught his eye. The ridiculous on and off drama he had with Liam had them firmly in the off position again, and Theo liked to have a wingman when he went out.

He felt his shoulder bump into someone, and when he turned his heart nearly stopped because all he could see was 22 year old Derek in front of him. But the differences quickly stood out, this guy’s open laughing mouth and carefree movements that screamed human. The eyes weren’t the mix of green and gold and blue, but were so dark they looked black. 

“Sorry!” The guy said with a laugh, “I’m a little uncoordinated when I’m drunk!” 

“This ones on me,”Stiles said, feeling himself grin back. “I’m always an awkward mess.” He paused, “can I buy you a drink?” He said in a rush.

The guys smile grew wider. “Definitely, yes.” He said. 

Stiles led him to the bar and they both ordered drinks. The guy introduced himself as Riley, and introduced his best fried as Ryan. Ryan had fair hair and sky colored eyes and as they chatted Stiles quickly felt himself forgetting his momentary confusion, because Ryan was mesmerizing. He was laughing and open, and talked as much as Stiles. When Stiles made a Star Wars reference, Ryan caught it and ran with it, slipping in an actual Avengers comic joke that spun Stiles right up. When he excused himself to go to the bathroom Riley turned to him and said, “You should go for it, he’s into you.” 

“I feel bad-“ 

“Don’t. You’re cute, and we’d have had fun and then neither of us would have called. You two have real chemistry. I’m going to go flirt with your buddy, you flirt with mine.” He smiled and patted Stiles on the hand. 

Later when Stiles and Ryan were laying in bed Ryan said into the darkness, “I was so worried you were into Riley.” 

“I was until I talked to you.” Stiles said with a quick laugh. 

“Any chance you want to have dinner with me tomorrow? Or tonight, depending on how you look at it?” 

“Only if you’ll have breakfast with me in the morning.” Stiles said and slid back into the other man with a grin. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God I’m the worst. I’ve had this ready for ages. Then work and family drama distracted me and I just sort of forgot. The next chapter is another year forward, then one more after that. Hopefully they’ll be up soon.


	14. Chapter 14

2018

Stiles flipped open the box and glanced inside. The ring sat where it had for the last month, gold and gleaming, a promise of a future. He swallowed. A year ago he’d met Ryan, a year ago tonight. 

He stared at the ring and tried not to think about the past, about the first time he’d bought a ring. He’d talked about it with his therapist, when he’d tried to buy a ring and he’d found his mouth grow dry and he’d ended up running out of the store and throwing up in the street. Then dreamed about Derek fir a week. 

After they’d talked things through his therapist had suggested just going to the mall snd looking at rings, no intention of purchasing one. And to watch the other people in their to look at rings too. 

It helped. Slowly. Eventually the employees started to recognize him and stopped asking if he needed help, and then finally one day he looked at a ring in the case and his first thought was Ryan and not Derek, and he smiled and bought it. 

He closed the box and put it in his pocket.

Dinner was nice. A place they went regularly. A bottle of wine they’d had a dozen times. 

“Happy anniversary.” Stiles said, leaning in for a kiss.

Ryan let his lips linger on Stiles’s and then pulled away a small smile on his face. 

“I know you don’t like surprises,” Ryan said, “but I got you a gift.” He stepped back and pulled a ring out of his pocket, kneeling onto one knee, in a way that was tradition and a breaking of tradition all in one. “Stiles, Mieczyslaw, when I met you I didn’t expect to find us here a year later. I hoped, but I’d been hopeful before. But I’ve been sure for months that I want to spend my forever with you.” 

Stiles was dumb with shock and just looked at the man he loved before settling down on his knees next to him, his one hand reaching for the ring box in his pocket and the other gripping Ryan’s hand. 

“Yes.” Stiles said with a laugh, surprises to realize he was crying, “Yes. I was going to-“ he started to say, as Ryan crashed their mouths together. A long moment later they broke apart and Ryan finally looked down at the box in Stiles hand and looked back into his eyes.

“Really?” He said.

“Really.” Stiles said grinning. I was planning to wait til desert.” 

When their desert came out Ryan insisted on Stiles proposing like he’d planned, and when Stiles told his dad, and every time he told the story, including at their wedding, he always said, “Ryan proposed over dinner and I proposed over dessert.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only one chapter to go.


	15. Chapter 15

2018

“Never have I ever made a sex tape!” Andrew said with a laugh, and there was a moment when Derek’s stomach lurched and shame filled him. But he still took a drink.

“Holy fuck!” Mandy said, “If you’d have given me 50 guesses I’d never have figured Derek Hale ever made a sex tape. I have to hear this story!” 

Derek shrugged.The alcohol didn’t affect him of course, but Andrea’s friends didn’t know he was a werewolf, he’d only finally told her a couple of months ago.

“Cmon Derek, tell the story, it must be a good one!” Andrew said. 

Beside him, Andrea have him a speculative look, “Honestly I’m pretty shocked myself.” 

Derek was starting to get more annoyed. “It was a long time ago. They were a mistake, and they cost me a lot.” 

“Wait, they? Holy crap,” Andrew said, “were you a porn star?” 

“There’s no way he did porn. He’s got too many hang ups about sex.” Andrea replied.

How many are we talking?” Mandy asked, “like three or four?” 

“More. And no, I didn’t make porn.” 

“This is a side of you I didn’t know anything about.” Andrea said. “Are we talking a dozen?” 

“187.” Derek said with a small almost growl. “And they ended up hurting someone I loved a lot, so it’s not something I like to talk about.” 

“Holy fuck dude.” Andrew said. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know-“ 

“I know.” Derek said, getting himself back under control. 

“I heard a story in college like that,” Mandy said. “A friend of a friend found out his boyfriend was cheating on him because someone showed him a sex tape the guy made. The story was famous on campus.”

“At Berkeley?” Vic, who’d been quiet, said. “We were there at the same time, I never heard about that.” 

Derek’s heart froze. There was no way. Beside him Andrea gave him a concerned look.

“You spent four years drinking and partying.” Mandy said scornfully. “You could have heard the story a dozen times and not remembered it. But you remember Seth Roberts? One of his friends. They roomed together one year and the guy told the story one night at a party. It spread everywhere of course. God, I felt so sorry for him, super nice guy.” 

God, it was like the world would never stop punishing him for his mistakes. Derek thought. 

“Wow, okay, Andrea, I think it’s your turn.” 

“Never have I ever caught my parents having sex.” Andrea said with a grin, and a quick tightening of her grip on his hand.

Across the table both Vic and Mandy groaned and took a drink.

Later as they were getting ready for bed, Andrea said, “That was you, wasn’t it?” 

Derek nodded. “I-“ he paused. 

“I know your face, that thing it does when you feel guilty.” 

“I’m surprised it ever stops.” He said after a moment. 

“You’ve never told me about it.” She said after a moment. “I know you have your secrets, but this one surprised me.” 

“It was before therapy. Before a lot of things. I’m better now. I know how to deal with things different. Better.” He said. After a minute of silence he added, “You know that guy Scott we ran into a few months ago?” 

“That was him, wow, does not seem your type. A little too happy go lucky.” She laughed. 

“Definitely not Scott. His best friend. Almost like brothers. It’s why Scott was so strange with me.” 

“I thought it was a werewolf thing.” She said with a smile. “After you told me, it filled in some things. Your strange friendships with Isaac and Jackson. That sheriff who calls you occasionally. It’s all werewolf stuff right?” 

He nodded. “The sheriff,” Derek continued after a second, “that’s Stile’s dad.” 

“He’s forgiven you then?” She asked.

“No. He’ll never forgive me. I hurt his son as badly as it’s possible to. But I owe him. I owe them. So when he calls with questions about the supernatural world, I try to help.” 

“You’re a good man, Derek Hale. You’re not the sum of your worst decisions.” 

“No, but they’re all still a part of me.” He said. “They’ve shaped my life, all of them.”

“And I love all the parts of you.” She said as she pulled him back onto the bed, “even the parts that still hurt you.” 

Later, after he fell asleep, he dreamt of Stiles again for the first time in a year, and he woke himself up saying his name. 

He slipped out of bed and went out to the big loft window to watch the streetlights and stars illuminating the world, and thought about the ways he had kept finding to burn his world to the ground. 

He didn’t know if Andrea was a forever kind of relationship, or even if he was a forever kind of person. Maybe he’d burned that out of himself with the shattering disasters of Kate and Stiles. But he was at peace with his past for the most part, and the feeling of happiness was still new enough that it felt almost new. 

He watched morning creep across the sky and thought about the future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And it’s done.  
> This chapter has been finished for a long time. But chapter 14 went through a lot of versions. I hope you like it.


End file.
